Jumping the Gun: Trying to do something when the timing is not right

Written June 4, 2019

It’s a good thing I am not a runner.   I’d probably start a marathon before the gun went off and start a fuss.  It’s usually great being a planner, but it’s not great when you keep trying to push ahead before it is time.  I have always been like this, but I have seen this a lot with the big decisions we have faced over the last couple years.   While we were trying to conceive, I could tell you that it would happen in God’s timing, but practicing that patience and acceptance was not as easy.  There were times I was downright discouraged after our miscarriage.   I am a big picture person, but I was struggling to not get wrapped up in the daily struggle of wanting to start our family.  It is easy to say in hindsight that things worked out the way they were intended too, but it was very hard to stay in faith when things were not happening on our desired timeframe.

Andy and I have recently been struggling with career dilemmas. We are both not happy in our current career situation.  Andy is good at accepting that things will work out the way they are supposed to when they are supposed to.  I try really hard to be like this too and I have seen it happen time and time again, but I get caught up in wanting what I want when I want it.  There was a job I really wanted that sounded like the perfect job for my personality, experience and interests and it was at a great company.  I thought for sure it was the opportunity I had been waiting for.  We were on our trip for Andy’s National Championship in Paris, Tennessee when I got the rejection.  I have received my fair share of job rejections thanks to my ambitious spirit, but this one stung.  It was like when a girl meets a guy that might be the one and he turns her down nicely at the idea of a second date.   I wasn’t as invested as a relationship, but I had already pictured what could be.  And because we always see the grass greener when we do not have all the potential negatives of a job, it feels like you are missing out on more than you actually are.   I know in the bottom of my heart that if that was the right next step for me, God would have worked it out.  I would be there right now, onboarding new employees to the exciting company.  I will never fully know the reason why, but I do know that if I had been given that opportunity, it would not have led me to the great unseen opportunities of the future. And when things finally work out in my career, I am sure I will understand why that did not work out.  Maybe there is someone who needs me to cross their path or vice versa and that job would not have allowed us to meet.

There are so many possibilities as to why and I could (and sometimes have) wracked my brain to try to think of all the potential outcomes, but this is where faith comes in.  This is where I am trying to learn to be more patient and more present.  When I’m wrapped up in the idea of all these potential opportunities, I can lose sight of what is important.  I can be on my phone looking at job sites when I should be praying or resting.     I fully believe you should seek your ambitions, but with rationality.   There is a time and place for things and it is so important to be present with those around you, especially in this world of social media and the constant ability to throw yourself into a world outside of reality.   I believe God uses these unknown times where things are up in the air to bring us closer to Him.  No matter how much of a planner and doer I am, I cannot force things to happen.  Trust me, I have tried by going above and beyond to apply for jobs or network.   In the meantime, I have a friend who was not looking to leave our job, was presented with an opportunity, applied for that one job and got it.   In a fraction of the time I have been looking for jobs, she applied for one and accepted the offer.  

When things are meant to be and the timing is right, things will fall into place.  It is great to be ambitious, but it is also great to direct some of that energy to things you know are important in this season.  I have rediscovered my love of writing and have made some time for it right now (even though I am busier than when I used to make excuses on why I wasn’t writing).  I have other goals outside of my career that I can focus on in this weird stagnant time in my job. I can focus on doing things in my current job that will help prepare me for future opportunities.  I pray so much I can put all of this into practice as I am sitting in my cube and feeling stuck.  It is so much easier said than done for my personality, but I know if I focus on God and my priorities in life, I will move on to what I am meant for when it is the right time.  I hope this blog touches someone else’s life and helps them feel less alone. I know the pain of feeling undervalued, like no one sees what you are truly capable of.  And I know if you are patient, diligent and have faith, it will work out and we will get to shine one day.