First Year of Motherhood: Returning to Work at 6 months

Written June 7, 2019

I’ve been back to work for over 4 months after maternity leave and while it feels more normal than it did, it’s been an absolute whirlwind.   I feel like now is a good time to reflect back on what all has happened and why I may be scatterbrained at times J

I returned back to work when Hannah was exactly 6 months old.  It is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.   You go from seeing the kid that has become your world 24/7 to being gone over 45 hours a week if you work full time.   We got a more gradual introduction to daycare, but not by choice.  In Hannah’s first 10 days/2 weeks, she only went to daycare for 4 days….that is not a typo.  She missed 5 days of daycare in the first 2 weeks between the weather (snow) and her being sick.  She got a case of Bronchiolitis right away because she went from very little germ exposure to being in a petri dish of all kinds of illnesses.  This year just happened to be one of the worst seasons for illnesses, as pointed out by both the daycare and her Pediatrician, and she started at pretty much the worst possible time on January 28^th.

On top of all this, I walk back into work to chaos.   I was thrown into helping our collateral team after not working with or being on the team in years.   They are normally working tasks from a couple days ago at most and were over a week behind.   So when I was able to go into work, I am trying to train someone and help the team on something I was beyond rusty on.  All together it was rough.  And at the same time, I was giving one full paycheck after taxes each month for someone else to watch Hannah.  I was ready to quit and be done.

After some self-reflection, I realize that I need some type of adult interaction and what would be best is if I could work part time.  As of today, I have not been able to make that a reality, but it’s always in the back of my head as an option.  I don’t think there is any easy way to be a mom, but for me I think the balance of part time work would actually help me balance everything better.  I have a new appreciation of stay at home moms after my 6 month leave.   It can feel very isolating at times to be at home with a baby.  You can feel very separate from the rest of the world.  Any mom that does stay at home should try to find ways to get out when she can because that is a very undervalued and misunderstood job.  I also now know that being a working mom can come with a lot of guilt.  It is one part of the gender equality equation that I just don’t think there is a great option to fix in most work places. Whether is society or genetic makeup, I feel more guilty leaving for work than Andy does (I think it’s a bit of both). 

Even after these few months, it still seems like too much for me to work full time.  I am so glad she is getting the socialization and care that she gets at her daycare, but I want there to be more of a balance in how much time she is there vs how many daytime hours I get to spend with her.   I am running into issues looking for part time jobs that pay what I need to make it worth it to still send her to daycare a couple days a week, but I am optimistic that things will work out the way they are supposed to in the long run.  For now, I power on.   I am sending good vibes to all of the Mommas out there trying to find the right situation and balance for your family <3