The Power of Kind Words

Written July 5, 2020

We often hear how negative words can affect us, but positive words can have an equally powerful effect.   I never thought I was too concerned with what other people thought or said until I started a job where people rarely complimented each other.   I did not realize at first why I was questioning if I was doing well and started wracking my brain.   After brainstorming on and off for a bit, I realized my coworkers were quick to offer compliments to each other at my previous job.   I was used to hearing how smart and efficient I was.   I would even get compliments on my appearance, which should not be the most important thing, but those compliments helped boost my self-esteem.  At this new job, most people were too worried about themselves and making themselves look good to build others up.   In fact, some people were looking for you to mess up so they could make themselves look better.

I wish I could say I just ignored this environment and it did not have a negative effect on me, but being somewhere 40+ hours a week, the environment will take its toll on you one way or another.  Instead of joining in, I ended up laying low and just doing my work with the minimum amount of interaction.  Anyone who knows me well knows this is not how I normally am.  I usually thrive on being social and interacting with others.  Before I left the job, I made an effort to compliment some of my coworkers here and there.   I figured many people probably felt the way I did and I did not want them to get bogged down in the negativity.

After this experience, I realized how important it is to speak kind words to others.   I have never been a mean girl by nature, but sometimes I would not compliment people on things because I figured they already knew.   I would often praise someone behind their back when their name came up, but then I realized they may not know we all think highly of them.   So I started to occasionally tell people when they inspired me or when I really thought they were great at something.   From the positive reactions I received, I can tell this is not standard practice.   

I am still not going out of my way to share positive feedback as often as I should, but I am glad I am more conscious of the power of positive words.  We are all living such busy lives and we get so wrapped up in our own lives that we sometimes forget to check in with those around us.  Also, when we are hurting and struggling with our own self-esteem issues, it becomes harder to compliment those around us.   And when I look around, especially during this pandemic, I notice there is a lot of hurt in this world.   We all have heard that ‘hurt people hurt people.’   Our human instinct is not to compliment others when we are trying to keep our own heads above water.   But I will tell you, if you can make a conscious effort to let people know what they are doing right, it will help you too.  It will help you realize that you are not alone and sometimes people will be more open with you if they know you are kind.   I am not telling you to be like Regina George in Mean Girls and say how you love someone’s skirt then call it fugly behind her back.   I actually try to avoid commenting on things I do not believe are great, especially superficial things, because I do not want to lie and I do not want to hurt someone over something material.  Don’t worry, if you start looking for people doing great things, you’ll find it.  And if that is a little too deep to start out, look for clothes, hair, etc you like.  It may not seem as meaningful, but it might be what turns someone’s day around.