The Art of Distraction: Why am I fighting for things I’m not really passionate about?

Written June 25, 2019

I pulled back into my work parking lot today from picking up Burger King for lunch with the relaxing tunes of Luke Bryan in the background.  As I describe this it seems like an average day.  The sun was out, it was warm. It’s Ohio so it was humid and my hair had puffed to 3 sizes this day.   And in this seemingly normal day and moment, I did NOT want to get out of my car and go back into work.  No not like your normal ugh it’s nice out why do I have to be inside thing (that’s me in any situation on a nice day in Ohio).  I was ready to be done with this job and this day in particular was Andy’s last day there.   The only reason left for me to go in other than a paycheck was now gone.   Now as I say this I realize it may seem extreme.  I am in an air conditioned office and no one is screaming at me on a daily basis.  I am not in horrible situation.  This type of work just does not suit my personality at all.

In addition to my normal complaints about this job (being stuck in a cube, not getting to be creative enough, etc.) I recently did not get a promotion I thought I deserved. Now I can sit here and tell you every reason under the Sun for why I deserved it over the people who got the promotion, but the truth is, it really doesn’t matter.  I almost didn’t even apply for the promotion because I was looking for a job that I’d enjoy more in an environment that better suited me.   As I type that I am like why did I even bother applying?  If I had gotten the promotion, I’d have gotten a raise, bonus and an extra week of vacation.   These are all great things for the same position BUT it would have been more to give up for a job I might really want later.  Even with all these reasons why it’s ok that I did not get the promotion in the big picture, I still keep stewing.  I even have a meeting scheduled Monday to talk again to the managers for more detail as to why I didn’t get it.   So why in the world do I keep putting time and effort into something I didn’t even really want or need?   I think the answer is going to require some heavy self-reflection. 

So let’s start with the logistics. I have more education and experience than those promoted.  Right away my natural inclination is to stand up for what is right.   It’s how I was raised and it can be a great quality.  But it can also be a burden to someone who shouldn’t be as invested in this situation.  The other thing, I applied for another job at the company a couple years ago and I didn’t get that either.   And much like a woman who has been played by someone in the past, it seems so much worse when it happens again because it feels like you should have known better.  Then, there’s the comfort aspect.  If I would have gotten the promotion, I’d have more money and time off for essentially the same job and I could have stayed complacent for longer.  I could have put my job hunting on hold (I did while I was applying for the promotion) and saved myself some time and trouble.  I don’t like this part. I don’t want to think that I could ever chose to be lazy in my ambitions.  That sentence even sounds like an oxymoron.  BUT I think that’s a big part.  I could have distracted myself for a while with the extra vacation time and money and used it as an excuse to not pursue bigger endeavors.   And now that I didn’t get what I want, I am distracting myself from other productive time with resentment and bitterness.   There are even days where I start by saying “not today, I’ll be positive today”.  Then I let the negative environment around me get me down.  And I’m right back down the rabbit hole of negativity.   So instead of working on bettering myself or preparing things that could help me in my long term goals, I dwell on this distraction.  Because once again, it is easier to do that. 

Yuck. I don’t want to keep this cycle going.   Honestly the situation isn’t worth it and I’m investing time and effort into things that don’t deserve it.  SO I am going to make a list of ideas to help this.

Ways to Avoid Spending Time on a Bitter Distraction

1.  Start off the day with prayer.  This fell off somewhere and I think it’s from the busyness of being a full time working Mom.  Prayer got me through my maternity leave and it has helped me many times since then, but it could do so much more if I made it a daily requirement.
2. Take time to self-reflect at work.  If I feel myself heading toward the cycle, I need to recognize it before I spiral.   I need to walk way if the environment is pulling me down.  I can go to the bathroom, get water, or take a walk.   But the important thing is to not use these times away to fuel the fire even more.
3. Focus on what you really want to do. If the subject of the promotion comes up, think of what you really want to do and not just what would be nice for now.  Think of what qualities of a job make you the happiest and how that job doesn’t fit.
4. Focus on non-work things for yourself.  I’m sure any Mom can relate to not making enough time for yourself.   My career is only one part of me.  One thing I want to work on this year is writing and reading more.  I can make some time to read or write if I find myself too wrapped up in work.
5. Recognize that other completely unrelated factors can be contributing to how you are feeling.   I can ask myself questions like “Would this seem as bad if I had gotten a good night of sleep last night?” or “Would I be as concerned about how I am defined in my job if I didn’t feel like I had a Mom fail moment this morning?”   These things can seem unrelated, but when other parts of our lives are chaotic, we often depend on another part to get us through.  These situations can cause us to put more importance on something than we normally would.  This brings me to my final one…
6. Reflect on your priorities.   What is most important to you?   Family, friends, your hobbies? Most people don’t say work.   More often than not, work is a means to live.   Especially if you aren’t working your dream job or something meaningful to you.   Reflecting on your priorities can be great for a lot of things because it can help us refocus and balance our life to make us happier.  When we spend more time on the things that really matter and less time on the rest, life will naturally get better.